Color War
by Alan Ramsey Grey
Summary: Ever wondered which Avenger is the most popular? You're not alone. Someone announced an Avengers color war but who? Join Phil and the whole gang as they try to find out who while admiring how their coworkers show off their fandom loot. Features the SHIELD TIPS board.
1. Rules

Cap hasn't been to high school since the 30s. Hawkeye is a drop out. Natasha won't admit to anything involving her past. Thor doesn't even know what a

high school is. Bruce has a PhD from Caltech but unless it might have been on a test he probably wasn't paying enough attention to remember anything else

from high school. Tony's a super genius but he might have had the same problem except for girls.

All these facts ran through the head of Agent Phil Coulson as he scrutinized the large memo board at shield HQ. Six suspects eliminated out of the hundreds

possible. Ostensibly eliminated anyway, was there any other place to learn about a color war besides high school? That's where Phil learned about them. He

always felt he'd had an unfair advantage because of his fondness for Captain America, (his school's colors had been red and blue so the wars added white and

black which just meant he wore his suit to school).

He thought of all the new agents ant-lineing through the building, some of them where quite young, but would any new recruit have the gall to post

something like a "Department Wide A Initiative Color War"? not only was it conspicuous, on bright yellow paper in the middle of the board, but very specific and

judging from the type set and, (leaning in to peer closer) water mark, printed in this very building.

He took a sip of his coffee and decided, looking at his favorite stipulations about the war, he would allow it. After all, Fury would know about it and obviously

didn't deem it worth his time since there was no new tip on agents' dress code. Resolved, he strolled off in search of donuts, leaving his post front center of the board open to the operative behind him. The new

agent read the bit of sunshine tacked to the board.

* * *

Department Wide A Initiative Color War

1. All inhabitants of HQ may participate, even those who are in The Initiative themselves.

(Yes Tony you can wear your own)

2. There is an available betting pool but partaking limits you to supporting only one Inititive-ite.

3. The war starts next week, so you have until then to place bets, remembering that it's a week long.

4. Non pool members win only bragging rights.

5. Points will be awarded for shirts as well as accessories based on creativity and originality.

To clarify:

Store bought T-shirt= 1 point

Homemade T-shirt= 4 points

Store bought accessory= 2 points

Homemade accessory= 3 points

6. Points can be added or subtracted for originality of store-bought items and quality of the homemade. Also, points are awarded per-item, not per-day.

7. In order to encourage all participants, categories will be added if sufficient support (50 points) is shown.

8. To discourage demands for re-count, picture evidence is welcome in the new drop box installed in office L.

**Author's** **Note**: _For those who don't know, a color war is when each grade wears a certain color and whichever participates most, wins._


	2. Monday

**A/N: I think I'll do each chapter from a new perspective and or a new day. What do you think of this one? I almost forgot about dialog entirely, can you tell? I tried not to make the ending too abrupt, how did I do? What do you think of the T-shirts? of course, any ideas for what the participants should wear are welcome.**

A large slice of the pie that was the first day's betting pool found they were more incredulous than anything else when they lost on what was supposed to be a sure thing. Much to everyone's surprise when they found out afterward, not only did Tony Stark _not_ bet on himself but he bet on Pepper instead. He spent the day in a very unique T-shirt, and a quality dye job (though obviously not professional) that left him with hair the same soft orange as his women's. The measure made sense when you read the T-shirt because it displayed multiple avengers. It featured Steve and Thor on either side of himself, (all in uniform) showing how much shorter he was than the two warriors, with the caption, "Pepper, get me a footstool!" On the back, it sported a detailed depiction of a woman that could only be Pepper with her smirk that could rival Tony's and a caption of her own, "I'll bring you 12% of a footstool".

Tony could read business situations and the same went for betting pools, consequently, he was not surprised when the two people he bet on split the highest turnout on the first day. Accompanying Pepper was Natasha, so for every "Pepper for President" that walked by, there was an accompanying red hourglass. Few others realized that the very thing that made females overlooked in this place, their small numbers, also made them the most solid comrades. This meant that the few men who remembered the event on Monday split between five other avengers, director Fury, agent Coulson and even various members of the justice league had no chance. This was the easiest outcome to predict for the Genius-Billionaire-Playboy-Philanthropist because if there was one thing he knew besides mechanics and money it was women.

All the observations that lead to his successful bet did not otherwise go wasted, not only did the unexpectedly unselfish behavior gain him brownie points from his favorite woman, but the general attention of other people which he always craved. He had a feeling the gesture of putting Pepper first instead of maximizing on the chance to gain more popularity gave an impression of sincere feminism which the other women saw as a character trait good enough to balance out his sometimes annoying ego. Other men respected his near clairvoyance as well as his even better standing with women in general. However, though accordingly inflated, his ego was not debilitating. He was able to deduce that this coordination, along with women being the main inhabitants of office L made it very likely that the instigator of this event was a woman.

"It wasn't you was it?" he asked Pepper, he was almost sure of her answer.

"No, I'm far too busy taking care of you" she sighed wondering how she was going to explain his new hair color to his press agent.

He'd been right. "Any ideas?" he queried, smiling at her shirt. It was hand stamped and read, _My heart belongs to Tony Stark,_ but instead of a heart there was an arch reactor symbol in glow in the dark paint.

Her brows drew together in serious thought which he loved because, when her hands were free, the gesture was always followed by her putting her right hand to her temple and taking that elbow with her left hand. More specifically he loved what that did to her chest. His attention was drawn back up to her mouth when she spoke.

"I'd say Phil was trying for team bonding but he told me last week he only let it go because Fury hadn't specifically said not to. He doesn't like being the bad guy; it was nice for him not to have to rain on a parade for once."

"His name is agent," Tony said absently as his gaze reverted to her chest, "but that's good to know." Having given her idea, she paid the rest of her attention to her man and subsequently dropped her arms. Seeing the movement, he grind as his eyes bobbed back to her face to see her look of chagrin that he read accurately was directed inward at not expecting his ogling. It was a familiar look.


	3. Blooper

**A/N: I wanted to pick on either Thor or Captain America because there are so many things they don't understand but I also had an idea about the captain's favorite person so this is another perspective of what happened on that first day.**

Sure it was half his fault for not clarifying, but Steve decided to always get a second opinion from now on when asking Hawkeye for a definition of something new.

* * *

Cap hadn't seen the poster but he heard that there was going to be a "Color War" next week. He remembered this when he joined Clint in his room for a drink on Sunday. When he asked what it meant the archer explained, "Just wear your favorite person on a t-shirt," he got up to open his closet "I'm going to wear Nat tomorrow." Clint held up a black short-sleeved shirt with the woman on it that said _Sure, but I'd have to kill you afterwards._

Finishing his drink, Steve thanked the assassin and left to dig out what he thought at the time was the perfect shirt for the occasion. It had his favorite people on it and on a night of drunken revelry he'd even got it signed by each of them for posterity. He never thought he'd get a chance to wear it again without looking like a bandwagoner now that they were popular again, but according to Clint's explanation it would fit tomorrow's dress code perfectly. Unable to give up old military habits, he paired it with jeans and laid the outfit over a chair with running shoes underneath. He was ready for another day of fitting in.

* * *

Now, standing in the hall on Monday, Cap agreed with himself. He should have asked Bruce instead and would next time. At least his shirt had women on it, he consoled himself, not Black Widow or Pepper like everyone else he looked at but it wasn't like he'd shown up for PT in a tux. In fact, a small group of girls (they were less shy around him today, he guessed he looked more approachable out of uniform or his usual dress shirt and uniform slacks) had told him they would "Fan Girl squee so hard over that shirt if we weren't at work." He didn't know what that meant but he guessed this was a good reaction judging from their sincere smiles and reverent voices. Most scurried off to accomplish some task (they still weren't completely comfortable around him) but one walked up with a kaleidoscope of emotions on her face he recognized glee, awe and mild envy as she studied his shirt and got closer.

"If those are their actual signatures, I'm going to be so jealous" she said, pointing at the shirt but finally looking him in the face.

"They are," he said with an apologetic smile, "but they were already tipsy when I asked them to sign it, they might not have otherwise. I was too or I couldn't have asked. This was a long time ago now though, I'm glad there are still people who like the Andrews sisters."

"Are you kidding?" she asked incredulously, "they're my favorite big band era group. What's your favorite song of theirs?"

"The first time I heard them; they came over for Us Boys and sang with the army band. They did Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy and it's been my favorite ever since. What about you?"

"My mom used to play that one for us and I like it, but my favorite has got to be Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree"

That had been Peggy's favorite too he thought. She kind of looked like her, with chin length wavy brown hair and wide cheekbones. The girl was short too but not in an undeveloped way, everyone just seemed shorter these days, to him at least. "I'm sorry," embarrassed at his laps in manners he extended his hand to her, "what's your name?"

"Patty, nice to meet you Captain Rogers"

"Just Steve is fine ma'am" he assured her

"Alright Steve," she agreed, finished with the handshake, she gave him a hard look but tempered it with a small smile as she said, "But that means you don't get to ma'am me, since you're older."

He was about to reply with something smart, (he didn't know what but he assured himself it would have been) when movement at the door caught his eye. It was Stark. He knew instinctively Iron man would have some smart remark to make about his shirt and he would never live it down. He made an excuse to Patty and left before the other man saw him. On his way back to his room he contemplated going back to his usual button-down shirt and uniform slacks for the rest of the week.

**A/N: You didn't think he'd wear an Iron man shirt did you? :) which Avenger's perspective should I use for day 2 **


	4. Tuesday

**A/N:** **Thank you, JoMiSm, westwindwaker and Emily21a for your feedback it was very helpful. I was just free writing but I finally did some outlining and managed to fit everybody in so Thor and Fury will get some spotlight. I hope this chapter doesn't disappoint since you liked Tony's shirt but be assured he'll have a new one each day.**

-Monday night-

She wasn't often girly, she almost wasn't able to be, but after listening to the rest of the women on staff, Natasha found herself giggling. Not out loud of course, externally the product of The Red Room could only smile but at least it was a sincere happy one, if small. If love was for children like she always said, then according to these people, the Black Widow lived and worked in a day care. At least it was filled with very strategic children. She listened as the children's planning came to a head.

"I don't care if he did one selfless thing, we have to make sure he doesn't win or we'll never hear the end of it." This was announced by a tall skinny blond woman as she put her coffee down on the table the group shared.

"Yeah," agreed a woman of equal height with more curves and dark hair. "Besides, if Mr. Stark is doing this for real he won't care." It was then agreed that no Iron Man visage, no matter how cute or clever, would see the light of day among them this week.

"But you're right Sarah," the svelte woman acknowledged a shorter member of the crowd who quickly dropped the pout from her face as their earlier discussion of Tony swag was briefly resumed, "the _Talk to the Hand _shirt and a repulsar glove would be hilarious." They shared a smile. "Now what about the other two?" she asked the assemblage.

Nat hadn't seen Clint today, so when the girls talked about the shirt he wore, it caused the internal giggle which had made her -the ever poised Black Widow- almost fall from her seat on the window ledge. After all, just because she wouldn't show a preference for a particular man, (weakness) didn't mean it wasn't entertaining for one to show a preference for her, especially this one. She would never admit it but she found Clint's shirt funny like the rest of them did but only half as cute, more daring than cute which the assassin in her thought was better anyway.

The group had talked about The Captain's mishap being cute too but the Russian didn't really see how since she wasn't up on the foundations of American music and didn't get the significance of his fan boy status. However, she understood when the one named Patty asked them all not to say anything to Tony. He would be like a dog with a bone over any misstep of Steve's.

"I don't think we should choose one over the other", the tall shapely woman offered. "We'll split it like we did today, Hawkeye and Captain America, huh guys? Cali?" She turned to the thinner woman with raised brows.

"_I_ like it. . ." Cali turned a questioning look on the group who all eventually nodded and made noises of agreement. She took it upon herself to assure the cluster was split evenly but hit a snag, "Hawk eye needs another." Like a mob of meerkats they turned to the window in unison, "You up for the assignment agent Romanoff" Cali asked dead pan.

Secretly happy for an unobtrusive reason to join in, Natasha answered with a well-practiced severe expression, "Sure, he's got it coming after today."

- Tuesday-

He wasn't trying to provoke Nat. Only an idiot would do that and for all the bird brain jokes Clint Barton was no idiot. Hawkeye just thought it was a subtle way to let her know that if his fellow assassin ever got over her relationship issues, that he totally understood her having (insert gesture of harmlessness here) he would be there for her. It was pretty smart actually, he thought. _Very subtle_ since he was pretty sure she hadn't even seen him yesterday. He told himself that was for the best; today's shirt was even funnier and more original. If her drunken off-handed comments could be trusted, it was based on her favorite princess so she was sure to get the reference even if she didn't say so.

He pulled the shirt over his head. It had a graphic of a gold chain around the collar and matching round pendant with green triangles going around the outside. In reflective gold letters it read _Together in Budapest_, but for everyone else's benefit there was also a red hourglass on the t-shirt's back. Before hitting the door, he ran his hand through his hair with a practiced move that didn't need a mirror to make it just right. It left it looking a bit wild, but it always drew an interested look from Nat like she was assuring herself he wouldn't mind if she ran a hand through it too. She would be right. He was ready to impress, so he set off to find her . . . subtly.

* * *

This was going to be good. Natasha couldn't wait to see Clint's face when he got a look at her, and he would, since she had picked one of the most heavily trafficked spots in all of HQ. In fact, she'd already nodded at Stark, who passed by in a shirt with a sail boat on it that said _Captain of the unsinkable ship Pepperony,_ proving the black haired girl from last evening right. Nat didn't see said woman but Cali passed in a pair of earrings shaped like Cap's shield and a shirt that got many compliments. It sported a white kitten with red and blue markings on its face and another shield in its mouth. White letters underneath the picture declared him to be _Captain Americat._

Sarah walked by and waved at Nat, turning to show off the back of her shirt from across the room. It showed a chibi of Hawkeye in a round fortress of pillows with shiny objects stuck in randomly. Only half of his face showed with his bow and quiver on either side of him, underneath it read _Nesting Habits of Species: Hawkeye. _She could pick out other members of the group from last night for their synchronized Hawkeye shirts. Each sported a different version of him with a caption that varied slightly from the template _Hawkeye, because Legolas _(Robin Hood, Katniss, Oliver Queen, Merida, Cupid)_ was a wimp_. She saw some more Captain America supporters, (she'd never thought anyone could pull off American flag hair bows with bomber jackets but they did) but her favorite had to be the shirt that said Cap was more American than apple pie with no words, just pictures and mathematical symbols.

She knew she had the best Hawkeye outfit though. It got a lot of laughs and compliments, but it was unique, pointed and just violent enough to deflect any rumors that she and Barton had an attachment, (even Stark hadn't made a snarky comment) without protesting too much. Her shirt had a present on it with a large tag that read _Cognitive Recalibration, From Russia with Love_. Over one shoulder she had a quiver full of NERF arrows and over the other she slung the bow that went with it. They weren't just for show either, she was wearing a purple skirt in the style of Hawkeye's old uniform, (that had always embarrassed him) and she'd already shot six errand boys for stopping to stare at her legs.

She had just loosed projectile number seven at an incredible angle when Agent Barton came around the corner in such a way that he walked right into its flight path. After crouching out of its way he was so distracted by the view of her legs that she managed to shoot him in the forehead. Pulling the toy from its target, he straightened with a self-mocking grin.

She wasn't going to think about all the implications of that shirt- she wouldn't- she was just going to compliment the shirt itself and whisk him off for coffee before he finally caved the next time someone asked him about Bucharest. She couldn't take the story from him since he had been there too but, one way or another, he was giving up that shirt.

**A/N: Was I too subtle or can anyone guess the Black Widow's favorite princess?**


	5. Wednesday

**A/N: For those who didn't get the princess reference, it was Anastasia.**

**-Tuesday night-**

After all this time working for Tony, Pepper had made a habit of looking for silver linings. Compared to some of the stunts he'd pulled, this one was easy simply because he hadn't done it. The idea that there was not just an individual, but a group of people with worse judgment than Tony had a definite shiny edge to it. The cloud was that she still had to do damage control even though it didn't have anything to do with her employer. Actually, that wasn't true, upsetting Dr. Banner had to do with everyone in a five mile radius _and_ Tony because they were, "Science Bros" which she gleaned from his ramblings was like BFFs for multiple PhDs.

She could alert Phil to the situation, but that would be like trying to get out of work and she hadn't gotten to where she was in Stark Industries by doing that. Besides, it wasn't like she was ignoring the chain of command; she was just freeing Agent Coulson up for more specialized SHIELD business. She could handle this small problem with a little redirection, it worked on Tony and these men were nothing compared to him.

The problem actually wasn't the nine-to-five office workers themselves, or even their drinking after work, (even she had a higher security clearance than them so drinking was allowed). It became an issue when they decided to push Bruce to the head of the running in the color war. Luckily, they had this idea in a common break room where she happened to be. She volunteered to bring in shirts for all of them by explaining that Tony would love the idea, (true. It was Bruce who wouldn't like the attention) so why not have him foot the bill? This was received with a parade of handshakes and thanks as they filed out to get back to work. There was a solution to the problem, now she just had to carry it out.

-Wednesday-

Using her superhuman online shopping skills, honed simply by being a girl as well as satisfying Tony's, "I need this obscure thing yesterday" whims, the World-Class-Personal-Assistant, (you had to give yourself pep talks in this line of work) walked into the break room from yesterday with a box full of store bought t-shirts. They were purple and said _*Hulk Smashed_* in green. She had met Thor on the way up and commissioned him with her distress and the promise of Poptarts to help with phase two of her plan. Right now, this meant carrying a long folding table, two indoor flagpoles, and a box of art supplies. On the way, she filled him in on what she had intercepted there. She had finished with the explanation, to which he listened intently, by the time they entered.

"These mortals you speak of are truly fools, as you say, to risk the wrath of such a creature as Banner keeps", agreed the Asgardian. They continued their conversation as she directed him in setting up the table. Though some thought him simple, the irony of a thunder god doing minor tasks at the request of a mortal secretary was not lost on him. No Midgardian yet seemed to understand his fondness for helping others came not from being easily manipulated, but from the joy it gave him to be a positive force in the lives of others. He would be king after all and after his adolescent foolishness had been quashed, his conditioning to help others resurfaced. Even his more warlike self would not make the mistakes of his brother and underestimate the green beast, this quest of Lady Pepper's, to keep Bruce unprovoked, was a worthy one. He reminded himself of this as he was led to increasingly easy tasks. Now he was assisting her in stringing a sign from the supply box over the table between the poles.

"I wasn't sure those would be enough," the small woman explained, nodding at the box of tunics she had carried, "so I came up with this." She tilted her head again, this time at what they were doing. The sign read, "Make Your Own Eye Patch" and once they were done she got back into the box and started laying the contents out on the table. Soon, the Mighty Thunderer and wielder of Mjolnir found himself mastering scissors to render likenesses of what Lord Fury wore over one eye out of black paper. This detail about the man always bothered him for, if the thunder god had been unknown to Fury on their first meeting, how had he already known to emulate what his father wore to gain his trust? Perhaps Odin, in his infinite wisdom, had known they would meet and sent it as an anonymous gift to reassure his eldest son.

Pepper knew it was out of character for the asgardian to be so quiet, but he seemed untroubled so she left him to his task as she began hers. She had received a free t shirt with her order and had requested black for the project she settled down to now. She was sketching out _I've Got My Eye On You _and an eye patch in chalk. She looked up to find the usually boisterous demigod engrossed in thought and paper craft and, exchanging chalk for puff paint, she realized the similarities between him and Tony.

Iron Man had the disposition of a self-aware Labrador. His excitement for life filled the room and made him seem larger than he really was. At parties, his love of people, their attention and a good time was so obvious she swore if he had a tail it would wag. On the other hand, he could get serious and focus on a project like any work dog. She was probably the only one that knew he could wind down and give uncomplicated comfort too, but he knew that his time and attention was a commodity he could capitalize on.

Thor would be a run of the mill Labrador. Happy that other people liked him and willing to work to keep it that way if only you told him what you wanted. Not that he was simple; he just didn't see why, if he could prevent it, anyone around him should be unhappy. Unassuming, but he was crown prince in his reality, (a phrase she never thought she'd use) so it was a good characteristic to have. She wondered how he got by without doing more damage to his brother before New York. By all accounts Loki was exactly like a cat, unconcerned with the feelings of those who served him, oblivious to anyone who didn't and hateful to anyone who didn't bow to his will. She was pulled from her person: animal comparison when Tony walked in with an empty coffee cup.

"Hey Pep," he smiled at her and looked between the two at their table. "What are you and Thoriel up to?"

"Lady Pepper and I endeavor to keep the Troll unprovoked" announced Thor, ignoring the nick name.

"Aw, I think Bruce would like the attention" the billionaire pouted but couldn't hold the expression under his girlfriend's disbelieving look and grinned again. The disbelief was for his words as well as his shirt which showed a cartoon Banner holding a toy Hulk and said _Stay Calm Bro_. This was just the sort of thing she'd made the black shirt for, she thought as she stood and pulled it on over her white button up. Not exactly fashion forward, but it would serve the purpose of making sure Fury beat Bruce for points today.

"Before you ask about the shirt," her boyfriend read her so well, "I know I'm breaking the rules but I paid back the pool so I don't think it really matters." She agreed but used it to her own ends anyway. In the brisk voice she used to talk about appointments and paperwork she told him, "Wear this and you'll have a happy girlfriend who won't mention you welching on a bet." She handed him an eye patch decorated tastefully in gold and red. Putting it on, he chuckled, "You know I'd rather talk down the Hulk than make you angry so sure." She thought he looked distinctly piratical; eat your heart out Captain Jack.

"Good choice Man of Iron," Thor laughed, "we have a similar saying in Asgard but it involves Ice Giants. I knew not you had such wisdom."

"Yeah, you're not the only one but I could say the same about you", Tony moved his eye patch to his forehead and went to fill his mug at the counter. Thor had finished decorating his eye patch by then in gold scroll work and wore it properly as he stood. After a childhood of wearing one to imitate his father, he was fully functional with only one eye.

"Regardless, I agree with your caution of Lady Pepper's temper and so will go spread word of her exploits here" he waved a hand at the table and made his exit as the men from yesterday came in to collect their shirts. Tony's surprise and barely hidden confusion when they all said, "Thank you Mr. Stark" as they left made Pepper laugh. Her temper was no threat today.

**A/N: The next update might be late because I have to deal with reality tomorrow.**


	6. Thursday

**A/N: Sorry it was more than a day and this chapter's kind of short but I had more trouble with his voice than any of the rest. *Hangs head in shame* but SCIENCE!**

- Thursday –

Maybe he'd just gotten better at tiptoeing around the mine field of daily life but Bruce was starting to think the lengthened time between accidental changes was due to increased time with Tony. Not directly of course but a combination of conditioning, (that shock stick still hurt but his startle reflex wasn't so tightly linked to the Big Guy) and higher social comfort level. He would be better able to keep track of the variables if he could write them down, but it wasn't worth keeping it from his science bro or dealing with the heckling if he didn't. Besides, he could come to the same conclusions with enough repeated trials. He'd have plenty of opportunity, especially for the social facet which he figured could only improve, especially after Yesterday.

The two men had been working on bio reactive metal to use on the team when Tony made a coffee run. He returned with a dashing eye patch and recounted his meeting with Pepper, who was trying to keep Hulk representation in the color war low key. The biologist complimented the billionaire on finding such a thoughtful woman to craft him such a pirate-y accessory and they both had a good laugh at Thor's expense. Bruce disliked the "god's" disregard for science and the big guy found him abrasive too and was always watchful for another chance to put him in his place, (six inches into concrete right next to his puny brother). They both resented his generally reckless demeanor if for different reasons.

Today did nothing to improve his opinion of Thor. He was everywhere. The entirety of SHIELD had evidently found the same stupid joke because half the people he saw were wearing some variation of _It's Thor's day, let's get hammered_. The disgruntled scientist's only consolation was that the other half of the building had decided that Coulson was another non-member who deserved recognition so there were just as many _Chuck Norris checks under his bed for Phil Coulson_. Some tall curvy woman chose that moment to walk by in a silver helmet with wings, he had to admit it looked better on her dark hair than Thor's blonde, but he still didn't like it especially when she tuned, saw him and outright _ran_ in the other direction. Some people still weren't comfortable around him, but that's why he was headed to the lab.

He was especially excited to get there to show Tony his shirt. It had been a gag gift from his Brain Buddy and had cartoons of each of them, (Bruce with a beaker and Tony a blow torch) and said _Doing science by moonlight. _On the back it showed each of them as Avengers and read, _Avenging stuff by daylight_. He couldn't wait to see his friend's face when he actually saw him in it. Over time, Bruce had learned that the most neutralizing reaction to Tony's attempts to goad him was to take hold of the joke and run with it. This worked because Tony's teasing usually got one of two reactions. Usually people who rose to the bait were enemies, or at least people he didn't care about, so Tony's instinctive response was to throw a witty jibe that left them with hurt feelings. Being his friend usually meant ignoring him in the hopes that he'd go away and led to more joking until he or Pepper decided it was no fun. Bruce's doing neither left him no response at all except the face.

As he finally entered the lab, Bruce was disappointed to see his friend in a Thor helmet as well. "Nice brain bucket", the Hulk's jailor commented sullenly, he could only imagine the funny looks kids must have given him checking out at target.

"Well I'd like to get it sized, but I figure that's not covered under the If-I-Leave-A-Box-Of-Poptarts-In-Its-Place-He-Won't -Get-Mad theory" Tony replied thoughtfully. It took Bruce a minute to realize that wasn't a witty and somehow unhurtful retort but an actual answer.

"You took Long-Hair's actual helmet?" he asked with only mild disbelief, (it was Tony after all).

"Yeah, but it doesn't really go with my shirt so I'll only keep it until tomorrow. The Poptarts should last until then." The shirt in question featured him ducked behind Captain America's shield yelling, _Pepper throw your shoes at me!_ As the woman rolled her eyes and hugged a clip-board. Tony finally looked up under Bruce's scrutiny and smirked, "Very funny shirt, whoever picked it out must be a comic genius." Most neutralizing, Bruce reminded himself, not easy. "I can be pretty funny sometimes but I'm no comedic genius," he said quietly, deliberately misunderstanding him, "it was either this or more purple." Tony might as well have been wearing his own helmet for all the emotion his face showed. Today he chose to respond by changing the subject.

"Can we put off work on the bio metal to tomorrow? I want to try tangible holographs."

"Sure," Bruce went along, already done with his conditioning and social stretching. He was happy to just work with his science bro.

**A/N: For those who didn't get Tony's shirt, watch more cartoons. Next chapter is the big reveal! so get any guesses in soon.**


	7. Friday

-Friday-

At first, he thought he was being mocked, but Agent Barten had reported that the eye patches had been started by Miss Pots as a solution to The Hulk getting too much attention so he ignored it. This on the other hand, Fury couldn't ignore. If it had just been Hawkeye's _you have heart _t-shirt with a heart and septer on it he could have written it off as his weird sense of humor but it waseverywhere he looked. There were gold helmets, green and gold scarves even a pair of headphones with blue cubes for ear buds. If he never saw the phrase _I do what I want _again it would be too soon. He had never seen so much propaganda, every other shirt was different but they all referenced Loki: a tuxedo t-shirt modeled after his uniform, a _'Lo kitty_ purse with green bow and gold scepter, _Who needs the bi-frost?_ With a cartoon Loki riding Nyan Cat, _Every villain is a hero in their own mind _and, (he would never admit it but his two favorites) Loki embedded in concrete captioned _Let me rephrase that _and Loki leaning his forehead against a window with a speech bubble that read, _True Power would like the latest issue of People._

Even The Avengers were not immune. He found Tony, (Loki applying eyeliner, _Maybe he was born with it . . ._) and Bruce, (chibi Loki shaking a fist, _not a puny god_) in the lab working on a project as though nothing was amiss. They were so engrossed with their work they didn't even look up but that was nothing unusual. He heard gun fire in the testing range and followed it with a good guess who he'd find there.

He was right; Agent Romanoff was firing down the range, but not at the standard paper target. Finally, the serious havoc he expected from Loki instead of the lower level mischief he'd seen. The Black Widow was shooting at Captain America who had nothing but a projector in front of him.

"Agent Romanoff, stand down", he ordered as he drew his own weapon. Surprisingly she put up no resistance only clicking the safety on her gun, setting it on the counter and removing her safety gear to address her boss.

"What can I do for you director?" the spy asked calmly. He'd flicked the safety off while she took off her gear but still held it at his side.

"You can tell me what you're doing shooting at your team member", he responded taking in her uniform and wondering why she alone had been lift out of the merchandise madness. "Oh I'm not really though sir, we're testing Stark and Banner's new project, tangible holographs, they think it'll make cap's shield less cumbersome. They know it works physically but they wanted to see if he'll use it. he even tested the stealth mode. It looks to the enemy like they've got a clear shot but the shield's still there. That's what we were doing just now. He's as brave as they say. "

Captain Rodgers chose that moment to march up to the other side of the counter, (in uniform as well but he had thrown a t-shirt on top that had Loki dressed as the statue of liberty with his scepter instead of the torch). "Thanks Natasha," he aimed a smile at her and then turned a salute at Fury. "If you want the specifics on light bending and all you'd have to ask them, but however it does, their do-dad works sir."

He had clicked his safety back on when the other man walked up so when Natasha turned to put her gun away he did the same after he saw a ring on her hand in the shape of Loki's helmet. It was understated and unremarkable unless you looked for it specifically just like her. "I just saw them actually. The egg heads are on a roll so I won't bother them but in the future make a report of any prospective gear tests ahead of time." Both operatives nodded and yes sir-ed. "Oh and sir?" Natasha made a questioning face until her boss turned toward her, "Just so you know I haven't lost my touch, if I was going to kill one of us I'd kill all of them. I believe the phrase is, _AK-47, the very best there is. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every single person in the room; accept no substitute_." She smiled happily. She was right so he nodded back and made his exit deciding to find Thor next.

Accordingly, he found the nearest place with food available. The team might not be bound by vengeance like they were before agent Phil's recovery was announced, but they still kept relatively close when they were off duty but he was almost sure it was unconscious. Another theory confirmed, he picked the large Asgardian out of the crowd and waited until he wadded out of it with his arms full of food. The director waved him to a table where he unburdened himself and sat down.

Seeing the hero's shirt, fury couldn't help but point to it and ask, "Do you get that reference?" Opening a package of strawberry milkshake Poptarts the blond answered, "It is a combination of our names and that of these creatures. This one," he pointed to a short-legged dog, "is called a _Corgi_. I believe it to be _cute_." He spoke carefully, like some of the words were very new. He was sure using them correctly, his shirt featured _Thorgi and Lokitty_ following the day's trend. "Have you heard from your brother lately?" Fury asked.

After opening a bottle of apple juice and a package of goldfish crackers, Thor answered, "Loki has been about the past few days yet you are the first to ask after him though Banner saw him just yesterday." Not wanting to alarm him, the director hid his shock. Had **no one** thought it a good idea to report an enemy on premises? He would have to have a word with Banner after tightening security. Realizing he had let the conversation lapse, he focused more fully on the demi god and probed, "What's he been up to, do you know?"

Finished with the crackers, Thor moved on to Rice Krispy Treats and reported, "I had not inquired specifically but nothing harmful I can assure you, he would not dare. Mother and Father both gave him a telling off and he has developed a healthy fear of the Troll as well. I believe we are too familiar for him to truly fear me but if nothing else I have our parent's ears and this he knows, so if you have need of his compliance in some venture it shall be arranged." He finished off his drink and assumed a serious look as he leaned closer, "This I tell in complete confidence," he paused with raised brows, waiting for some kind of acknowledgment that Fury would keep his secret. Fury chose his stand-by nod and Thor continued, "I believe Loki has lost the will to cause havoc and is lead to a more general chaos and in this case even playful mischief" he gave the last a grave significance through tone and expression like he was talking about lapsing health instead of reformation of criminal behavior. "I'll take that into consideration, but I'd like to talk to Loki, today if he's around", Furry wasn't sure how he felt about Thor's revelation backing up what he'd thought himself but he wouldn't need to decide at all if they were wrong. Pouring syrup on top doesn't make pancakes and Thor was still Loki's brother and inclined to try.

Movement past the director's shoulder caught the large blonde's attention and whatever he saw made him smile. Fury turned and immediately made the connection. Thor might be Loki's brother, but right now Loki was Thor's sister. The phrase speak of the devil crossed his mind (it was the horns) but she (he?) sauntered over and took a seat much like he imagined the cat on Thor's shirt would have. Her (his?) shirt read simply _CUTER THAN YOU _but instead of a y there was a war hammer. The room was empty of anyone else by then so at least Fury wouldn't have to fit an explanation of what happened next into an office memo. She-he, defiantly-was enveloped in glittery blue smoke and when it dissolved he was left in the form Fury was used to so luckily the shirt had been paired with pants or the encounter would have been even more awkward.

"What do you want", the trickster asked. The director tried for diplomatic and subtle responded, "I'd like everyone back to normal."

"I don't know what you mean" Loki replied with a see through grin

Giving up on diplomatic and subtle he yelled "The truth! Do you speak it?"

"No need to be fussy, use your lumbering mortal brain and ponder it. This would not be the amusement I craved if I'd magic-ed everyone into heralding me, there would be no point. This entire intrigue was only meant as a test for my army and what good is a test if you give away answers?" the mention of an army made Fury nervous and although his training assured it didn't show, Thor must have made the leap of logic because he gave Loki a stern look and crossed his arms as he said, "Of what army do you speak _this_ time brother for I'm sure mother and father would show vehement disappointment if you had not learned your lesson last time."

To which Loki hurriedly responded "Why, my army of acolytes of course, especially the fangirls, mine are the best", by the end of the sentence Loki was cool and collected again like a cat that flops from the back of the couch but lands in the seat and plays it off like he meant to do it just so. And really he had, after this week he knew, he might not be accepted by his brother and his friends, or even liked, but he was adored more than any single one of them and he told himself that was better anyway.


End file.
